As I write this, I’m sitting in a hospital bed going through treatment for Liver Transplant Rejection. I received a Liver Transplant on February 16, 2018 at Northwestern Hospital in Chicago, Illinois. Going through something like that forces you to confront so many different things in your life.
One of the biggest things I’ve had to confront is how truly broken I am. I don’t mean broken in the sense that I cannot go about my day-to-day. It’s the kind of broken where you think back on your life walk and see how many things didn’t work out, poor decisions, relationship mistakes/failures or seasons of your life where you simply don’t know how you got through it. WOW, none of that sound positive at all! Well life is messy and so am I!
I became a believer on March 19, 2000. At the time, I was engaged to Lori and being an active step-father to two beautiful girls. We attended Crossroads Church in Warrenville, Illinois and during that service I felt overcome. Lori turned to me and asked, “Do you want to accept Jesus into your life?”. I knew that I did, but didn’t “know what it meant” at that time.
I used to think that my journey of faith was drastically different from everyone else. While there is some truth to that, we all share a commonality and that is we are all broken. While my faith has always been there, I haven’t always spent time in the word, prayed consistently or turned to God in those times that I needed to do so. However, I am reminded that he IS the one constant in my life.
As my life walk has continued, I’ve learned to converse with God. Growing up Catholic, we never opened our bibles, said a prayer that wasn’t scripted or even thought to “talk to God”. I’m not dinging the Catholic faith, it’s just my experience. I’ve learned that God simply wants a relationship with us. Talking to him doesn’t have to be anything fancy or complicated, it doesn’t need to be in a church sanctuary or on your knees. Just open your heart, and talk.
Reading the bible opens your mind to God’s heart and his love for every one of us. As you read through the bible you see not only in the old testament, but in Jesus’ own words in the new testament, his love for every one of us. When I reflected on that, I kept coming back to the thought that “God wants me? I’m such a mess….I’m so broken….Why?!?” It’s because Jesus lived a perfect life, died on the cross for ALL SIN and rose again.
While I’m still a sinner….I’m still broken….God loves me. Once I let that into my heart, my life changed. I will always be broken and you know, that’s okay. I needed to accept that no matter how broken I am, how much I’ve sinned or how messy my life has become, God is with me and will never forsake me.
“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged”
Deuteronomy 31:8 NIV
